Memories from one of my journals in 2010!
Not that I have already obtained it [this goal of
being Christlike] or have already been made perfect, but I actively press on so
that I may take hold of that [perfection] for which Christ Jesus took hold of
me and made me His own.
Bishop Sims is now resting in the presence of the Lord. In 2009, he had open-heart surgery. His heart was still strong, but he had leaky heart
valves, both the mitral and tricuspid, which caused much of the blood to flow in the opposite
direction. It drained him of his energy and caused other
problems. The surgeon was able to repair it.
I Had a Dream
Before we left for Oklahoma City, I had a dream. Danger
pursued me, but I was determined that it would not catch me nor overtake
me. I ran faster than humanly possible, and pretty soon, I was in the air
- defying gravity, flying above it all. I zoomed over the enemy and
beyond his reach - high above every threat of danger. I
felt free and relaxed and began to enjoy the sensational experience and
thanked God for his divine protection. What a breathtaking sight it
was! Although it was dark, there were lights everywhere in the
city: the valleys, mountains, crevices, etc. I never wanted to come
When I woke up, I knew that we would have some dark times in the city, but the dream signified that we would rise above it all. We did defy gravity in a spiritual sense.
It was revealed to me that the body of Christ all over the nation was
praying for us – they were those lights. I felt so undergirded. My husband shared this message:
“Thank you for your consistencies in prayer for my wife and me in our trying times. God did most certainly bare me up on eagles wings during this dark hour of my life. I felt the converging of the body of Jesus like I've never felt it before. The mountains of denominations locked hands, and nothing else mattered but the will of our heavenly Father. God is so perfect!” ~Bishop Ken Sims (2010)
they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up
with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary, and they shall walk
and not faint.
The Lord reminded me that no matter what, I
have to take the heavenly viewpoint instead of the earthly perspective,
for we are seated in celestial places in Christ Jesus.
Determined that we would not miss our assignments
at the hospital, I ministered every day - sometimes for hours and even while
in CCU with my husband. It
took two days for some of the side effects from medications to wear off, but when
it did, he ministered to nurses when his pain level was off the charts. He spoke slowly and quietly. One nurse sat
beside him for an hour and went to tell her friends. Her actions reminded me of the Samaritan at
the well. Three more came in, so we continued
to minister for thirty more minutes.
Being hospitalized had many spiritual rewards.
My mind is indelibly marked by an experience with a woman named Jamie, who's
mother was having heart surgery at the same time as my husband, Ken. Her
lungs were failing. Jamie had been
looking for me for four days and started crying when she found me. Her mother’s condition worsened, and she
Chaplains were available; however, she grabbed my
hand and took me to her mom to pray for her.
I felt honored to be the Lord’s instrument. Many were watching for the outcome. Fortunately,
I was able to continue building on the faith foundation that began four days
earlier while in the waiting room. I
magnified the Lord by sharing some of our many testimonies. Initially, her
mother, Ms. Kathy, was not aware of anything, but when I started softly singing
about the name of Jesus, she could not be still. Jamie was thrilled. We were at the heart hospital for ten
days; Ms. Kathy continued to improve each day.
It was a hard fight to get clear of here. This time was very challenging
and demanding on our bodies, minds, and spirits. Never-the-less, we stood
and we overcame by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony.
He is Jehovah Rapha, the Lord who heals us!
Whether you have a physical heart problem as Bishop Sims did or if you have spiritual heart issues, you need a surgeon. If our hearts are uncircumcised, we too have leaky valves and
are unable to love and forgive like Jesus.
The lives we lead flow in the opposite direction of God’s preference for
us. We are drained of energy and are frequently
faced with insurmountable problems.
Jesus is the surgeon who will repair, renew, and remake your heart. He will circumcise your heart so that you can
be in covenant with him - he helps us to cut away the works of the flesh. If you allow him, he will give you a clean
heart so that you can serve him.
2 Corinthians 5:17
Therefore if any person is [ingrafted] in Christ (the Messiah) he is a new creation (a new creature altogether); the old [previous moral and spiritual condition] has passed away. Behold, the fresh and new has come!
It's time to press the reset button.
While in a program on my computer, an error message flashed, "An unexpected lapse of attention!" Lapse can refer to a passage of time, memory failure, collapse, or even an error in judgement. I was pressing the back button in an attempt to take the program backwards at the same time that it was trying to move forward. Therefore, I had to reset it and start completely over. Pause and think about that.
Our Father in heaven desires to advance and expand us. Expansion is the word that He gave me on December 21, 2017. It is my theme for 2018. He blesses us to be a blessing to others.
Romans 8:1 declares, There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. We can't move forward if we are weighted down.
Jesus has made it possible for us to move forward. He pressed the reset button when he died on the cross of Calvary in our stead. His resurrection gives us another chance.
Satan comes to steal, kill and destroy every aspect of your life, but the son of God has come to give you zoe (abundant) life. Take it! This is a perfect time to start anew.
I had a dream on January 8, 2018 that ministered to me so I will share it with you here. Please understand that God does nothing by accident. He places emphasis on numbers, days, and times because He is the author of them. However, I don't get into the world's system of numerology. Remember that the devil tries to copy everything that God does and perverts it. That being said, the very fact that my dream took place on the eight day of 2018 was significant, "Why?" you might ask. Some biblical meanings of the number 8 is NEW BEGINNING, RESURRECTION, and REGENERATION.
When I awoke that morning, the Spirit of the Lord spoke to my heart saying, "Living waters can’t flow
through clogged pipes. Release
forgiveness because unforgiveness
will make you its hostage."
Jesus said in John 7:38, "
He that believeth on me, as the scripture hath said, out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water." Rivers of living water can't flow through clogged pipes. Clogged Pipes are still pipes but are useless if the water necessary to sustain life is unable to run through them.
In my dream an old man finally
apologized to a young woman that he wronged many years ago. I, actually, know both of them. Her unwillingness
to forgive resulted in a sad countenance, melancholy life, and vulnerability to
the adversary’s continous tactics against her. It wasn't so much that she did not want to forgive; she was just still very hurt and found it hard to do so. The old man had taken advantage of her naivete'. It was obvious to me that she also needed to forgive herself.
The question on the floor is, how do we forgive? You have to confess it with your mouth by saying, "I forgive you for hurting me." Sometimes it's just that simple. Other times, you will have to confess it often just to believe it. Faith comes by hearing. Eventually, you will be able to say it because it will be true in your heart. If the scar remains, you will no longer feel wounded.
Even if the person you need to forgive is you, do so. The Holy Spirit also spoke to me these words: "Don’t hold grudges. If you hold a grudge, the
grudge will hold you - making you its captive." Unforgiveness makes you susceptible to sickness and disease in your total man.
The word of God in 1 John 1:9 states, If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Jesus came to reset us. He led CAPTIVITY CAPTIVE so you can be FREE from everything that thwarts your
progress. Since He paid your ransom, accept your gift. It's up to you to go free.
2018 is an opportunity to begin again. The past is called the past for a reason. Leave those things that bind you, and every weight that so easily besets you, buried in the past.
The unexpected lapse of attention is on our part, not His. Nevertheless, He restores our soul. So flush out the clogged pipes! Press the reset button! Move forward! Advance the Kingdom of God! He has given you gifts to complete His purpose for you.
Philippians 2:3 Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.
Seeing pictures of my granddaughter's prom last night stirred up memories from forty-eight years ago when I was in the sixth grade. Middleton Attendance Center was an all black school comprised of first thru twelfth graders - massive. Each year, every grade level voted for a princess with a twelfth grader as the reigning queen. I voted for my friend, Sherry, because she was clearly the most beautiful girl in all of elementary with locks that hung magnificently down her back, shiny white teeth, pleasant smile enhanced by dimples to live for - always dressed nicely. Did I say she was also one of the most brilliant?
To my surprise, Sherry voted for me and so did, apparently, most of our classmates because I won. SHOCK and AWE - for real! I had no expectations - was not even in the running. How could they make a terrible mistake like that? I was a keen student but in my opinion, not even pretty. Honestly, I was rather homely looking. My mother dressed me nicely, but bless her heart; she could not do hair - that didn't help. She was so horrible at it that I started doing it myself in fourth grade - at nine years of age. LOL! It still looked terrible but was an improvement and got better over time.
In a special school assembly, the winners were all escorted to the stage wearing our glamorous gowns, long white gloves - arms resting on the arms of our escort. For this special ocassion, my parents took me to the salon to get my hair done, but mama, unfortunately, allowed daddy to take me shopping for my shoes. I'm not sure what possessed her to do that. I could not believe my eyes. Daddy bought me penny loafers. Who does that? PENNY LOAFERS - to wear with my elegant teal gown that mama bought. The two of them were total opposites. The suits hanging in daddy's closet were from forty years prior - no fashion sense whatsoever. On the other hand, mama had a great fashion sense. Even though fashionista was not a word back then, she was definitely the epitome of it. Showing my displeasure to daddy would not have been to my benefit so silently, I suffered embarrassment and hoped that my formal dress would distract from my black loafers. That was going to be a little impossible ascending the stairs to the stage, which seemed to rise forever. With no other options, I had to smile and bear it.
Homecoming night, they chauffeured us to an illuminated football field. Since mama took me shopping for this one, I was pleased with my outfit.
To this day, it's mind-boggling that the classes voted for me. I remember seeing Sherry's face and the biggest smile radiating from it when the announcement came. I can't say it was a dream come true because I never dreamed of it. However, it was a rewarding experience and a pleasant memory in spite of the 'walk of shame' down the aisle in loafers.
In life, we will experience many 'walks of shame' with many regrets - wishing that we could rewind and start over. The good news is when we accept Jesus as our personal Lord and Savior, we can start fresh and new. He experienced the greatest 'walk of shame', 'The Via Dolorosa' - the painful way. His grief was the most painful and shameful of all as he struggled through on the street in Jerusalem - carrying his cross for his crucifixion. He was hung up for our hang ups.
Isaiah 54:4 Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed; Neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame; For you will forget the shame of your youth, And will not remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore.
We may not always completely forget the embarrassing moments whether minor mishaps or major sinful regrets; we still have the covering of the Lord who casts our past away from us when we throw our lives at his feet. He suffered shame, so we don't have to.
Sherry and I reconnected the year my daughter passed in 2015. She found me and was very comforting - even more so when I learned that she met my daughter, KaShanta when she worked as a beauty consultant at the mall while attending college. I never knew that. Before passing, she started The KaShanta Sims Foundation
which will help cancer victims look and feel beautiful in spite of their diagnosis.
My classmate is just as beautiful today - inside and outside - always smiling - speaking an encouraging word. She is a fulfillment of the scripture. In my estimation, she so deserved to be the winner, but she preferred me over herself. I'm still humbled by the experience. I felt so undeserving of the gift that was so freely given to me.
What a wonderful world it would be if we all adopted the attitude of Romans 12:10 Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another.
That is exactly what Jesus did. He preferred our freedom over his agony so much so that he laid down his life so that we could pick ours up.
An unfamiliar long distance number rang at our house this morning. On the other end was an apologetic manager, who gently approached me regarding an unfortunate incident that took place revolving around our now deceased daughter, KaShanta. It happened on the morning of the day she passed.
I knew on June 11, 2015 that it would be an inevitable trek down 'forgive them lane' so I did - by faith. Periodically, I would be tormented by reliving the incident and being unable to suppress it. Retreating to my prayer closet in worship and praise would lift me up for a season. However, my inner conflict continued unresolved. Another two months would go by and I would be confronted with it yet again.
Finally, on February 11, 2016, I started writing a letter in hopes that it would act as a systemic cleansing for me and I would no longer be haunted by this ghost of my past - figuratively speaking. At the time, I was unaware that it had been exactly eight months since KaShanta's death. That unveiling came after the letter was sent. I believe numbers are of significance to God. On numerous occasions, He has used them to confirm and reveal things to me. According to my studies, the number eight is for new beginnings. It was definitely indicative of a new beginning for me.
The director, of the same company, called an hour after the manager did to apologize for the agony that our family was experiencing. There is really nothing that they can say that will change anything, but at least, they showed genuine concern, which spoke volumes to me.
Last week, I was gathering information for The KaShanta Sims Foundation, a 501(c)3 organization, when I heard the Spirit of the Lord say, "Forgive!" I stopped typing, repeated the word, "Forgive" and said, "Yes, Lord, I do". At the time, I wasn't aware that he was not speaking of forgiving others, but of forgiving myself.
Many pray according to Matthew 6:12 without understanding what it means. We are really telling the Lord not to forgive us if we don't forgive those who wronged us. No one has ever suffered the things that Jesus did in His body, soul and spirit - at the hand of men. Yet, He humbled himself, forgave His creation, and prayed for them. As the greatest example who ever walked on the planet, inhabited the heavens, or descended to the depths of the earth, He has earned the right to tell us to do as he has done.
Forgiving does not mean that you will forget everything. Nor does it mean that you now have to become bosom buddies with the perpetrator. It does mean that you will be set free. When you hold unforgiveness in your heart, ironically, you become the prisoner. Furthermore, when you forgive, you set yourself free.
I thought I had forgiven all who injured my daughter and myself. Nonetheless, I found out today that I was holding myself captive with. I was so overcome with guilt, shame, and regret that I did not realize that I blamed myself for several things that happened - many of which were really beyond my control.
The Lord has such a sense of humor and wanted so much for me to be free that He even showed me a picture of KaShanta doing something silly that only her sister, daughters, and I could appreciate because we have all been targets of her practical joke. Once clarified, I realized she would never have wanted me to be tortured by the past - no matter what. I started laughing - all by myself. In my minds eye, I saw her smiling face and her action as she was accustomed to doing. Later I shared it with her sister, Milia, who agreed with me about the conclusion that I finally arrived at. We took turns crying and then laughing together - giving ourselves permission to be human beings.
Included in our daughter's obituary was a poem she penned. The last line reads, "My morning is finally here". Indeed, her struggle with HER2 triple negative breast cancer was over at age 38. She is free from all torment that was ever inflicted on her - be it mental anguish or physical trauma. Today, I can say, "I forgive myself. My morning is finally here"!
...Weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes
in the morning.
It's okay to forgive yourself.
"Forgiveness is not an emotion. It is a choice. If we choose not to forgive, we are the ones in bondage." Bishop Ken Sims
I am reminded of what a child said when he prayed, "Forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets." I laughed so hard when I read that - knowing, of course, that the child thought adults were saying trash baskets when they said trespasses. But wasn't that appropriate?
Matthew 6:12 "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us".
In essence, when we pray the above verse, we are telling the Lord to only forgive us when we forgive those who wronged us.
Some people have a lot more garbage to dispose of than others. Little or much, the Lord has made provision for us to free ourselves by utilizing His word.
I John 1:9
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Forgiving is not always an easy thing to do, but it is vitally important that we do so for our on health - both spiritually and physically. Jesus taught us how to do so before the cross, on the cross and even after the cross. No other person has ever suffered the things that Jesus endured on our behalf. On the cross, He asked His Father to forgive those who crucified him for He perceived that they did not really understand what they were doing or who they were now indebted to. He humbled Himself and allowed His own creation to crucify Him. We often say that we want to be like Jesus and we mean well. Frequently, we find that it is easier said than done. Even so, the grace necessary to be victorious has already been provided. As previously stated, forgiveness begins with a choice. Mine! Yours! It is a mental ascent of our soul, but more importantly a matter of the heart - our spirit. When we make the confession, God accommodates us with the strength that only He can give.
Forgive! It's not a suggestion. It is a command.